Sunday, December 13, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The scene: 9:00 last night. Maddy's been in her crib since 7:30. I go in there for the umpteenth time and there she is with her pajama top off. "MADDY!?!?? WHAT are you doing???" Her reply, "Lettin my beddy but-tin out." (belly button)
The scene: last night....9:30....Maddy' still at it. Rolly goes in her room on his way out the door for hockey, so he's fully dressed and has a baseball hat on. "Go to sleep Maddy!!" he says in firm Daddy voice.
"Where's dada going?"
"Daddy's going to sleep!"
"WIT YOUR HAT ON????!?!??!?!??!??" she says, in disbelief.
The scene: Ava's in her room dancing and singing (off key) to Jonas Brothers CD....she comes busting out of her room, "MUM, mum, mum....when I'm 8 and a half (random age!?!?) can you sign me up for opera lessons?" Sure Ava, just saw opera is being offered at the YMCA now.
The scene: my first grade classroom. The kids are sitting on the rug while I am reading a book. In come two of my girl students who are two peas in a pod (aka: always up to no good)....after what has been a looooooong time in the girl's bathroom (YES it starts this early). I say (in firm teacher voice) "GIRLS!?!?!? What on Earth were you doing in there?" The both reply without any hesitation. One says, "I had the runs." The other, "I was trying to go but it was stuck." Well, THAT'S what I get for asking them what took them so long in the bathroom!!!!
The scene: first grade classroom, we're reading a story called "Don't Ride Your Elephant to School." I'm joking with the kids about other animals, "So if you have a giraffe don't ride it to school!!! Does anyone in here have a giraffe???" One of my little boys shoots his hand in the air and waves it around madly, "OOOO -OOOOO-OOOO!!!!" So I call on him and he says, "My DAD has a FOOTBALL GRAFFE!!!"
Check back later for photos of the cutest little witch and her adorable black cat!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
- She stripped off her clothes at least 4 times.
- She walked around with Ava's flip-flops on the wrong feet and tripped about 100 times.
- She tried to bite Ava and when I scolded her she slapped me. "I WAP Mumma" she said as she struck my butt with both her hands.
- When she WAS wearing clothes, her outfit of choice was Ava's underwear (which she wore over her diaper) and Ava's camisole "bra".
- She dragged her little chair into the bathroom 3 different times and stood at the sink washing her hands, all the toothbrushes, and rubbing soap ("wope") all over her belly, arms, legs and hair.
- Without her seeing me do it -- I put some sauce in a pan on the stove to heat up for dinner and moments later she scrunched her nose, sniffed the air and said, "Me see the meatballs."
- On our walk around the block, she stopped about 48 times because apparently her doll wanted to get in and out of her carriage (BTW Maddy calls a carriage a "taco") She would say, "Baby cry." "Baby want out taco." Then four steps later, "Baby sit in taco." And when the baby wouldn't sit up straight in the taco -- she flipped it over on the sidewalk and kept walking.
- While she napped, I vacuumed and mopped the kitchen and dining room floors. When she woke up she took her diaper off and peed on the kitchen floor and then wrote on the dining room floor with sidewalk chalk. (why do I bother cleaning?)
- When I came home from food shopping (went without her, thank goodness) she walked around with two avocados for about 20 minutes, in and out of all the rooms. I think she was giving them a tour of the house.
And where was I during all of this? Standing by....watching....laughing....wishing I was videoing.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Ava and her friend were playing in the pool with a doll that can go in the water. Her friend Abby had the doll on the raft and said, "My baby can't go in the water because she's only one month old." Ava says, "Oh."
Long pause, "How old's your baby?"
Abby: "one month."
Ava: "Yeah, but like, how old is she?"
Abby: "She's one month Ava."
Ava: "Abby, you're not understanding me, I want to know how OLD she is."
Abby: "AVVVVVAAAA, I told you she's ONE MONTH."
Ava: "I know she's one month, but that's not my question. I want to know how old she is, like I'm 6 and you're 7, how old is the baby?"
Abby looks to me for help. I say, "Ava, the baby was born, then turned one week, then two weeks, then 3 weeks, and then a month. Babies are one month and then two months, and they have to be 12 months old and THEN they start counting by years, they are one year old, two years, old, etc. So this baby (mind you, I'm referring to this inanimate object who's floating upside down in the pool at this point - I think Abby was trying to ditch the thing so Ava would forget about it already) is not 6 years like you, it's only ONE MONTH old. It was born in July and now it's August. It's a little newborn baby." Whew, that outta clear things up.
Ava: "Mom, you don't understand my question, I just want to know how old the baby is. I'm six years , Abby's 7 years, how old is the baby?"
Me: "She's zero ok? Zero years old Ava." ("patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue" I say in my head)
Ava: laughing, "Mooooom, no one is ZERO years old!!!! Just tell me how old the baby is!!!"
Abby and I exchange looks....she tries to explain it, I try again to explain it. This exchange went on, and on, and on....it was seriously like "Who's On First." I thought (hoped) that at any minute someone was going to jump out of the bushes and tell me to "smile" because I was on candid camera. No such luck, I had to pay Abby 5 bucks and a Popsicle just to say her baby was 2 years old. (crap, I promised a long time ago to tell only true stories huh?) No money, just a Popsicle, but it does the distraction trick every time.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
My husband was on vacation and the kids were up every single morning before 6 AM. And he's like, "How come when I'm leaving for work in the morning everyone's sleeping and now that I can sleep, everyone is up?" Good question hubs. Of course his first day back to work, he's heading out the door at 7:15...and the kids are sound asleep. He's talking to himself as he walks outside, "Oh yeah, yeah, where's everyone now? Daddy has to go to work -- doesn't anyone want to say goodbye to daddy? Nooooo, everyone's sleeping. OK, Bye kids....nice seeing you, have a nice day today."
Ava lost her other bottom tooth on Saturday morning eating a bagel at Dunkin Donuts. The only problem was that she was sleeping over my parents house that night, which meant my parents had to play tooth fairy. This wouldn't concern me if it weren't for my vivid childhood memory of the time the tooth fairy forgot to visit. Those who know me know that I can't remember what I ate for breakfast so the fact that I remember this is pretty impressive. I remember waking up, finding my tooth still in the pillow and giving the tooth fairy a piece of my mind. No joke, I was bull shit. Stomping my feet around my room saying, "I HATE YOU TOOTH FAIRY. I WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER LEAVE YOU ANOTHER TOOTH. YOU FORGOT ME. WHERE'S MY MONEY YOU NO-GOOD-ROTTEN &*%#&%&" (Ok, maybe not that last part) But anyway, I went running downstairs all flabbergasted and told my mother (in the excessively dramatic way that only I can do) that the tooth fairy didn't come. She had that "Oh shit" look upon her face and quickly explained that it had been a stormy night and the tooth fairy couldn't fly in the rain and wind. Huh. It sure sounded good, I processed the idea for a few minutes while I ate my Lucky Charms. Yup. Made sense, I could understand that reasoning. And for the record I did go back up to my room and apologize to the tooth fairy. But, no worries, the tooth fairy came to Chelsea (and made in and out without getting mugged) and left $5 which Ava then traded to my dad for a $10. No flies on that kid.
Last night I dreamt I was on the next season of MTV's oldest show"Real World" and I kept wondering if I should leave the show because it could be inappropriate as a public school teacher. When the camera panned across my face for my close-up I had orange mush all in my teeth from eating those Goldfish crackers (had I brought the kids with me to the show, why did I have their snacks?) I must have left the show cause here I am in my basement. What a shame, they had us set-up in one sick house in Can Cun. What can I say, I'm a dedicated public service provider.
Last but not least, my 6 year old is officially 6 going on 16. Her mouth and attitude these days are simply not acceptable. For the past week, I have done nothing but reprimand her for her flippant remarks. Does this happen in your house???? Luckily I have called in the reinforcements: Maddy. We were heading out yesterday and I told Ava she was not getting an ice cream from the ice cream truck and she replied in her screechiest, nastiest little voice, "YESSSSSSS, I AMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!"
I replied in my low stern voice emphasizing each word, "YOU. BETTER. WATCH.YOUR. MOUTH." I go storming off (ranting and raving to myself: "I'll show you, the LAST thing you'll get is an ice cream. I'll tell you WHAT...I will NOT have a little nasty bratty little girl in this house. You better watch yourself, you better NOT talk to me like that, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO") and I see Maddy right up in Ava's face with her chubby little finger pointing at Ava, "YOU WATCH YOUR MOUT AVA." I thought maybe Ava was going to clock her, but she actually laughed, which lightened the mood. Off we went, and no she did not get an ice cream from the ice cream truck (my mother wanted to know if I got her one in the end....ye of little faith).
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
On a MUCH lighter note....we went up to a friend's lake house in Maine this weekend (hence combining two days of blogging - you knew I'd slide yesterday in somehow didn't you!?!?) and so we were packing to leave in the morning. I am running around like crazy trying to pack in an organized way and not forget anything (beach stuff in one bag, PJ's and sleep aids together, lists to remember the important things: nebulizer, epi-pen, diapers) and hubs spends 30 minutes worried about ice and fitting everything in the cooler. I tell the kids, "Come upstairs, it's time to go!" Maddy replies, "No thank you Mumma." We hit the road at 9:15.....at 9:23 - you guessed it -- Ava has to pee. So we make a pee stop, mailbox stop, ice-coffee & gas stop... and then we're finally on the road. A few minutes later the questions start "What state are we in?" "What's a state?" "Are we still in America?" "How many minutes left?" The old "Are we there yet?" cliche came to life! Good thing we only have 3 or 4 more out-of-state road trips this summer!
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
1. moooooooooooooom (nice and long and whiney)
2. Mrs. D
3. Dear (hubs calls me this....sarcastically. The other day I yelled down to him, "What do you want for supper?" and he replied, "Whatever you want..." And Ava quickly added, "DEEEEEAAR" just like he would have said it.
Three Jobs I have had in my life:
2. Gun toting United States Special Agent/Criminal Investigator
3. elementary school teacher
(in that order.....clearly you see the natural career progression there)
Three TV Shows that I watch
1. Deadliest Catch
2. Ice Road Truckers
(and by "watch" -- I mean sit in the same room and blog while hubs watches these "presumably boring-but-yet-you-can't-stop-watching them" shows.)
Three of my favorite foods
1. anything besides the left-over crust from my children's sandwiches will "do" these days
Three friends I think will respond
1. Who the hell made up this question? and.........
2. Why is it included in every one of these gosh-darn foolish surveys?
3. What does this imply about the friends you write here...and what about the ones you don't?
Three Things I am looking forward to
1. Finishing this survey
2. going to Stacy's camp....York Beach....NH Lake house and Storyland..... all in the next few weeks! Heck - I still have a whole summer's worth of activities left!
3. Finishing this survey.
Three Things that are always by your side
1. my children (I swear they would crawl back into my uterus if they could)
2. my arms
3. my friends (awwww, that was nice)
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Since I'm up, I might as well tell you about my day. It was exhausting craziness.....getting ready for girls' family b-day party at the house tomorrow. Hosting parties is SO MUCH work! The house is spic and span until the first 5 people arrive and then everything is a mess again and you have to clean it all up again after the party! And every year, when a) it's raining and we're all stuck in my house or b) I'm knee-deep in the after-mess - I say "NEVER AGAIN! Next year we're going to Chuck E Cheese!" Yet I always swore I'd never go the "Chuck E. Cheese" route either -- but let me state for the record: there is SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR THAT! Places like that set-up, they clean up, and the kids have a BALL! And I also think it ends up being less money too! This year we're doing both....pool party at home (and the weather is finally going to cooperate!) and a kid party later in the week at Monkey Joe's.....so we'll see if I can finally make up my mind about this once and for all. You're sitting on the edge of your seat, I know. Sorry to leave you with this cliffhanger.
Friday, July 17, 2009
On another note, Ava finished her week of "Let's Play Sports" camp today. We're trying to introduce our hip-hop, gyrating girly-girl to sports. Just when I thought we'd made some progress with sports camp, she informed me that today they taste-tested cereal.... and she liked "serious toast crunch" and "raisin bread" (meaning raisin bran) the best. I'm not sure what that had to do with sports camp....so then I asked her, "SO what was your favorite sport this week?" She said, "Ahhhh, I think 'across" and "air hockey'" (and by that she meant lacrosse and floor hockey). oh man. Why do I bother. Our last hope for sports will have to be Maddy...Rolly was thinking of "learn to skate" as a prep for hockey, but now we have the zamboni and the air conditioners to worry about.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
7/17/09 -- you know what's WEIRD??.....without seeing this post I wrote yesterday.....today my friend Keri wrote about me in HER blog....http://sweetwhispersphotography.com/blog/
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I did hear her a few more times before she was finally quiet. Then it dawned on me.....had I just gotten the video camera out to catch her on film I could have put an end to all the madness immediately. She always stops whatever it was she was doing that made me grab the camera in the first place.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I'm in line at Target and the cashier opens a new register and says, "I can help THE NEXT person over here." The person BEHIND me (who obviously was not next) immediately bolts to the new register." Then they turn once they get their stuff on the conveyor belt and say, "Oh, sorry...I'm in a rush."
My outer voice says: "Oh, yeah, that's OK, fine."
My inner voice says: "YEAH don't mind me, just standing here for my health. I got nowhere to go -nothing to do. You stupid S.O.B.. I hope your sale stuff rings up full price, your check bounces and that ugly lamp you bought cracks on the way home."
Friends come over for a play-date and a few minutes in to the play-date it's obvious to me that these kids (siblings) should have been quarantined at home, because clearly, they are ill. Their Mom says, "Oh my goodness.....look at them, their noses just started running this morning. I hope they're not coming down with something."
My outer voice says: "Yeah, tis the season, everyone has runny noses lately. Probably allergies. Not to worry, I just got tissues in massive quantities at BJ's Wholesale."
My inner Voice says: STARTED RUNNING THIS MORNING!!! -- what a bunch of BS that is. You've probably been home with them all week and you were just sick of those snotty-nosed little swine-flu buggers running around YOUR house, touching all YOUR stuff, so you brought them over here to touch my kids and my stuff and our doorknobs and toys and stick their little infected hands into MY box of Goldfish and let them get my kids sick so I can frickin sit home miserable like you were before you came over here. You selfish S.O.B.
Husband is in the fridge looking for the left-overs. He says, "I can't find the left-overs in here."
My outer voice says: MOVE SOMETHING!!!-- seriously....what the &*#^ (add your own word here) -- if it doesn't jump out and bite you, it's not in there. Give me a break. LOOK AROUND -- it's IN there for Chrissakes.
My inner Voice says: see outer voice for this one, it's the same
I'm traveling... and everywhere I go people are stopping me to hear me say something-- to hear my Boston accent, like I'm some sort of freak show from the circus.
My outer voice says: "Ha, ha, ha, yeah, yeah, I'm from Boston.....obviously, as if you couldn't tell....(LOL). Ok, here goes: I'm gonna PAHK my CAH in HAVAHD YAHD. Hehehehehehe"
My inner voice says: YOU piece of %%#% hill-billy losers, I don't have an accent, YOU have the accent. I'll PAHK MY CAH where the sun don't shine if you don't shut your trap and get away from me already.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Well, there were times when I was in my classroom and all of my students would be totally engaged in an activity, and then I'd look up and see onnnnnnnnnne kid off on the other side of the room singing to themselves and spinning in circles. And I'd sing that little line to myself.
Well, apparently God has punished me again (see blog day 15) because I have given birth to one of those "always doing their own thing" kinda kids. We were at the beach again today (which you should know, was MUCH better than our beach experience on blog day 4). If all the kids ran down to the water, Maddy ran up to the beach chairs. If the kids came back to play in the sand, she ran down for a dip in the water. She took her bathing suit off (of course she did -- see every blog for more info on that) and I couldn't get it back on her (unless I was willing to cause a scene and/or break her arms and legs in the process). At lunch time, she wanted the chips one of the Moms had -- they were salt and vinegar flavor, none of the other kids liked them. Not only did she like them, she DIPPED THEM IN THE BUCKET OF OCEAN WATER we had brought up to the chairs to rinse our hands! NOT ONLY did she dip them, but then she winced at the flavor, said "YUCK" and then continued to dip them in there. Then she dipped her portable yogurt (go-gurt) in the bucket too! And then cried when I dumped the bucket of water out. She laid face-down in the sand and put her FACE -down in the sand. Thrashed her tongue in and out trying to spit out the sand...then dove back in for another mouthful. I'm just not sure there are enough neurons firing in that little head of hers. But she definitely balances her quirkiness with the cutest little things. We were in the water and out of nowhere a big wave came and almost bowled her over -- splashed her face and all -- and she laughed and said "again mumma," like I could control the ocean. (boy would I like that). When we returned to our chairs and found the seagulls eating from our trash, she yelled at them "NO, NO beeerdies, dat's MY bagel." And when we were outside the bathhouse and all the kids were rinsing in the showers - she was standing on the bench looking down at the passers-by yelling and waving with her little chubby hand, "HI EVERYBUDDY, HI EVERYBUDDY, HI EVERYBUDDY!" like the Mayor of the beach. She may be one-of-a-kind, but I'm so glad she's mine.
PS: Know any good neurologists?
Thursday, July 9, 2009
(oh crap....did I just write another blog about him?)
PS: Got any story ideas????
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Today Ava had two of her Kindergarten friends over for a pool play-date....so I got to hang out with their Moms. (It's SUCH a bonus when your kid has friends with great Moms!). The weather was freakin fantastic - definitely making up for lost time. If only I hadn't had to come in and ask the kids to come outside and play umpteen times. How quickly they forgot about all that rain.
They were inside....hip-hop dancing....my daughter's idea no doubt. And I realized while I was lying in bed that it was exactly her hip-hop dancing that was leaving me speechless. (in terms of today's blog). To quote the movie My Best Friend's Wedding..."She's got moooooooves you've never seen" and would never want to see either. To the point where she'll be "dancing" and my husband looks at ME with this look of accusation....like she got her moves from watching me dance around the house (in his dreams) or that I've been sneaking her out of her Kindermusic session and taking her to the Cabaret for amateur night. It's just as baffling to me, I assure him. Does this sort of hip gyrating happen in your house? We are in so much trouble.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
(and let it be stated for the record....I do play with her and give her plenty of attention, and she WAS supervised while swimming....my husband was sitting there too...as a matter of fact I should have said, "DADDY wants to see how you can "swim" around and around and around slowly and aimlessly over and over with the aid of multiple floatation devices, so show HIM!")
Great day -- ended with some awesome fireworks in town....then, "Time to go Maddy, fireworks are over"...."WHY?" -- hence went the conversation the whole way home.
Had a great holiday today-- sun in the sky, man at the grill, frozen sangria in my cup, friends and family by my side, and kids freezing their butts off in the 65 degree pool water. Does it get any better than that?
Friday, July 3, 2009
My question to all of you is: What's the tooth fairy "good-for" these days anyway? (I would like to hear what she's been leaving under those pillows lately). We are in tough economic times after all. Wait a minute, does she even work today, it's technically a holiday!?!?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The bad news: I stayed home all day for him to come between 8 and 12, he came at 3 and it cost $251.99
The good news: it poured all day so I didn't miss a great July beach day by sitting here waiting for him.
The bad news: it poured all day, AGAIN.
The good news: I think I lost about 15 lbs this week because all the food (and ice cream!) was in the basement and I was too lazy to walk down to get anything to eat.
The bad news: I think I have already made up for that in the 1.5 hours my fridge has been fixed and the food is back upstairs.
The good news: I finally made good use of those environmentally friendly re-usable shopping bags -- to carry the food back upstairs.
The bad news: there's not a chance in hell I will remember to bring them with me when I go food shopping tomorrow.
(hey, this good news/bad news thing is kinda fun!)
The good news: Madelyn has a huge vocabulary, and speaks in full sentences (and she's not even two!)
The bad news: Today she started asking the dreaded "Why?" We all know how that goes. "Maddy, sit down on the chair." "WHY?" "Because you're going to fall down and get a boo-boo." "WHY?" Do you see where I'm going with this? As I type....I hear my husband upstairs in her room "Maddy, it's time to go to sleep." "WHY?" "Because it's night-night time, everyone is sleeping."......."WHY". This could be another one of those nights that leaves me asking "Why ME!?!?!???"