Hello? The lights are on, but is anyone home?

This is no joke, this is a serious matter. I am really starting to wonder if my girls experienced some sort of head trauma during their cesarean births. Between the August 18, 2009 blog about Ava and ages (check it out in the archives!) , the February 14th "Bonkers" blog and the Feb 5th "Is today tomorrow?" conversation with Maddy....I have some legitimate concerns. And this latest story definitely confirms my suspicions. We got new phones and answering machine, so I thought to myself, "What's cuter than these two little meatballs leaving the outgoing message!?" So I round-em up, tell them the good news, and they're all excited. Ava's going to say "You have reached the Demers family, please leave a message." And Maddy, ON HER OWN, decides she'll say "Have a nice day!" (OMG, so cute, it's like a Hallmark commercial filming right in my own home). Ok, outgoing message TAKE ONE:
Ava: You have reached the Demers family, please leave a message.
Maddy: (silence)
Stop the recording.....we go over our lines again. We get it all squared away, everyone's ready to go now.
outtgoing message TAKE TWO:
Ava: You have reached the Demers family, please leave a message.
Maddy: (pause) (then a whisper...)you have reached the demers family....
CUT
Me: Maddy!!! What are supposed to say????
Maddy: (Sweet happy little voice) HAVE A NICE DAY!!!! :)
Me: That's right!!!! Ok, let's try again, Ava says (blah, blah, blah)...we practice again. Awesome.
I press the record button....outgoing message TAKE THREE
Ava: You have reached the Demers family, please leave a message.
Maddy: (silence).
Me: Maddy!?!??!? Do you not want to do this??? Ava can say the whole thing if you don't want to do it.
She says she doesn't want to do it. So we record Ava doing both parts of the message....outgoing message TAKE FOUR. Got it, mission accomplished. Or, maybe not....
Now Maddy starts crying, "I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY 'HAVE A NICE DAYYYYYYYYY'!!!!"
Jesus, Mary and Joseph - you have GOT to be kidding me.
Outgoing message TAKE FIVE
Ava: (blah, blah, blah...you know what she says)
Maddy: (meak little crying whiney voice) have. a. nice. day.
Me: MADDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!????? Do you want to do this or not!?!?!?
We practice again, she knows I mean business now, I am definitely about to blow a gasket.
TAKE SIX......finally, I get my message. But here's where the worrisome part comes in.
She asks me what this message is for, I try to explain that when someone calls our house they will hear it and leave us a message to call them back. Better yet - I'll show her what I mean. We go in her bedroom and use my cell phone to dial the house phone. Pause....house phone rings. Maddy says: PHONE'S RINGING Mama!
Me: I know Maddy, it's us, we're using Mama's phone to call the house phone.
Outgoing message plays, she smiles. I tell her what to say..."Hi. Call me back." She repeats me.
Daddy (who's playing along) yells from the room with the answering machine, "We have a message!"
Maddy: WE DO!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??! She comes running.
Hit play....we hear her message "Hi, Call me back" the message says... and she whispers.....
"Who is it??????"

Going Bonkers

It was Sunday night, and I was getting lunches and backpacks ready for Monday morning. In Ava's backpack I find a bag full of tokens...turns out they are from Hampton Beach arcades. So I asked her, "Ava, where did you get these tokens?" She replies nonchalantly, "I made a bet with (friend who shall remain namless) at school and she lost, so she had to give me her tokens." As if that wasn't bad enough (who knew the degenerate gambling gene was heriditary), the conversation that ensued really threw me over the edge:
"You need to give these back to her tomorrow."
"Why? They're not money."
"Right, but they are tokens for Hampton beach, it's like money for the arcades there."
"But they don't work at Bonkers."
"Yeah, I know, they're for Hampton Beach, give them back to her at school tomorrow."
"WHY MOM? -- THEY DON'T WORK AT BONKERS!!!" (now she's giving me an attitude, she's irritated that I'm not getting it -- but really she's the one who doesn't get it.)
"AVA!!!! I'm not talking about Bonkers, I'm talking about HAMMMMMPTOOON BEEEEEACH in NEW HAMPSHIRE," I stretch the words out so it's clear as can be.
"Mom, I'm telling you, they don't work at Bonkers, why do I have to give them back?"
"Ava, first of all you shouldn't be making bets in school, secondly these are tokens, which are good to play games at HAMPTON BEACH WHERE THIS GIRL OBVIOUSLY GOES - THAT'S HOW SHE GOT THEM, SO JUST GIVE THEM BACK TO HER TOMORROW!!!!"
"But Mom, they don't work at Bonkers." (Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus, give me the strength)
This is no exaggeration, I was looking at Rolly for help but he was just shaking his head.
Now I'm a raving lunatic, "AM I SPEAKING ENGLISH???? WHO said anything about Bonkers!?!?? I'm gonna go Bonkers in a minute!!!! I'm talking about HHHHAAAAMMMMMPPPTON BEEEEAAACCCHHHHH tokens, it has nothing to do with Bonkers (now I'm saying it very slow and loud as if she was hard of hearing). Needless to say, she comes home today, the tokens are still in her backpack. At least no one's lunch money is in there.

The Sun Will Come Out....TOMORROW

Conversations with Madelyn could be it's own blog - but it would need a live feed because she's always saying something funny and ten minutes later I can't remember what she said. I tried extra hard to remember this little snippet from 15 minutes in the car yesterday.

From her little seat in the back I hear,

"Hmmmmmmm." (big sigh)...pause..."Daddy is SO handsome." (note to self: have Maddy's vision checked ASAP)

"Mum, when I am big, will I drive?" "Yes," I reply.

"When I'm a mummy, will I know where to go?" "Yes."

Excited, "I WILL!!!!!!!!??????? I will know how to get to Papa's house in Chelsea?"

"Mum, when I get big will I wear a BIG bathing suit-like a mom?" (oh wait, her vision must be fine after all.)

Me, trying to change the subject, "Maddy, Nana is coming to watch you tomorrow!"

"SHE IS!?!?!? Is TODAY tomorrow?"

"No honey, tomorrow, when you wake up."

"OH, tomorrow is today - YAY!!!"

No Maddy, not today, tomorrow. We have to eat dinner, go to bed and sleep and then tomorrow when you wake up Nana will come to watch you."

"TODAY Nana will come???" "No, "Tomorrow." "Is it tomorrow now?"

(this is starting to feel like "Who's on First").....so finally I give it up, "YEAH, YEAH, today is tomorrow, whatever." "YAY!!! Nana's coming!"

UPDATE: Maddy wakes up the next morning and says, "MOM, is today the tomorrow when Nana comes?" She doesn't forget, that's for sure!

If I Only Had a Heart....

I made an amazing and enlightening discovery today...despite her self-indulgent, never satisfied, center of her own universe attitude -- it turns out my 7 year actually does have a HEART. After hearing a story from her friend about a homeless man she had seen, she proceeded to make a bulleted list of things the homeless man needs. I have duplicated her list below exactly as she wrote it...

• bug spary
• hat
• gloves
• jeans
• jacket
• cake/browns/cupcakes
• house
• money/bed
• stuff he likes
• pillow
• blacket
• chothes
• lights
• kicten
• closet
• pencil/marker/crayon
• pen/paper
• shoes
• movies/TV
• games/scrabble
• clock
• hiking bag
• pajamas
• big stick (I had to ask about this one - it's to ward off any animals that come near him)
• boots
• snow stuff

At the end it said, "We will do this in spring!" Oh my goodness, such a proud mama moment.

This is coming from a girl who wouldn't share a tic tac with her little sister, just for a little background information.