Thursday, March 11, 2010

Out of the mouths of babes....

Picture this: my little Maddy, head to toe in yellow feetie pajamas, standing by the door rubbing noses with the two doggy-blanket things she sleeps with, binky in her mouth going a mile-a-minute. With pangs in my heart that I have to leave her everyday and go to work, I bend down and kiss her cheek , "Bye Maddy," I say sweetly. The binky stops moving and she replies, "Bye stupid."
My mother-in-law and I turn around and face the other way so she won't see us laughing...I compose myself as fast as I can and say, "MADDY! That's not nice! Don't say that to Mama!" And she quickly redeems herself by waving her chubby little fingers, and saying in her sweetest little voice, "Bye Mumma! Bye Mumma!"
I laughed all the way to work. Called my Mom and was laughing so hard I couldn't even get the word "stupid" out. I Kept saying, "And then she said....and then she said..."
I can't lie, I still chuckle every single time I even think about it. She was so dry, so matter-of-fact, "bye stupid." That's one for the baby book.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Mom to the Rescue

I apologize in advance for the bathroom talk, but that's where this story took place , so it was kind of unavoidable. I was in the bathroom getting ready for work this morning when Ava came in to use the toilet. Moments later she was screaming & crying "THERE'S A POOP STUCK in my BUTT!!!! HELP! HELP! Mom, there's a poop and it won't come out!" She was HYSTERICALLY crying so I figured it was the perfect time to lecture her about how eating more fruits and vegetables (see yesterday's blog) would help her with this problem. Well, surprisingly that little pep-talk didn't help with the situation or stop her from crying. I then told her to push really hard and rock back and forth a little bit. Nah, still crying. She then took a big deep breath and blurted out, "MOM, can you reach in there and grab it for me?" Now, I have always been one to say, "I'd do anything for my kids..." but this is really where I have to draw the line. Sorry kid. I'll pack you some prunes for snack.
Fast forward to 3 PM today....when I arrived home to the same kid, HYSTERICALLY crying because her tooth was, "VERY VERY LOOSE AND WIGGLY and IT HURTS!!!!!" Now this is her FIFTH wiggly tooth...and out of the four she's lost already, three of them were lost biting an apple. So we know this is a proven method and nothing to freak-out about. But she was carrying on like you wouldn't believe! Being the kind compassionate Mom that I am, I whipped out my cell phone to capture the nonsense on video. Too bad I don't know how to transfer it to my computer. In any event, she's on the video screaming and crying, "I just want this to be all over with!" (so dramatic - where on Earth does she get this from anyway?). Next she tries counting to ten and taking a bite of the apple but keeps chickening out (just like she did last night when she attempted to try a piece of broccoli!). Eventually she took a bite, out came the tooth, she spit it all out on the counter and we called it a day. No trying any more veggies at dinner time tonight...I'm just too pooped out.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Eat your peas please....

We were standing in the kitchen at my parent's house on Saturday afternoon when my mother decided to make this big announcement, "YOU KNOW, your kids don't eat enough fruits and vegetables. They should be eating all different fruits and vegetables at every meal." THIS - from the woman who lets them have 3 popsicles each within the first 5 minutes she's babysitting and NEVER EVER says "No" to anything when it comes to them. So I thought I'd have her put her money where her mouth was..."GATHER ROUND CHILDREN," I announced loudly (no joke)...."Nana is NOW going to feed you some vegetables!" No one came running over, of course, and she had to lean over and put her head down on the counter-top -- laughing so hard she couldn't even stand-up, clearly realizing how ridiculous she was being! So that night I decided I was going to make Mom proud and feed these kids some broccoli, dammit. I heated up some frozen green giant broccoli florets with cheese sauce (sounds gross, but goes great on a baked-potato!) called the kids to the counter and made my second announcement of the day, " are going to try some broccoli." I then lied and told them that I used the cheese from the macaroni and cheese package and put it on the broccoli. Ava made a face and Maddy said, "That yucky." I told them both they HAD to try it. Ava put it on her fork....smelled it, licked it lightly, wiped the cheese off with her napkin, inspected it thoroughly and said, "Ok, I'll count to ten..." She nervously counted to ten, brought the fork close to her mouth and then chickened out at the last second. She counted to ten a second time and as I shouted "Just EAT IT will you!?!??!?!" She took the teeniest tiniest little bite and thrashed her tongue around trying to spit it back out. Ridiculous. Maddy watched in horror, and then it was her turn. She also inspected it at every angle, gave it the hairy-eyeball, cried (real tears) and eventually covered her mouth when I took the fork and tried to make her taste it. So I beg of you, tell me this happens in your house!?!?!
PS: Have they passed legislature naming ketchup as a vegetable yet?