Sunday, November 7, 2010

Hit the Road Jack

I needed some way to not have to hide the elf every night from now until what better excuse to pack Jack away than a letter from the old Mr. Claus himself?
Dear Demers Girls,

Thank you so much for adopting Jingle Bell Jack, he has had a lovely time staying at your home so far and he has filled me in as to what's been going on with you and your family. I would like to address some of my concerns so that we can see some improvement before the big C day.

Ava, you must make a better effort to get up and get ready for school in the morning. Your stalling, whining and complaining is surely going to cause your poor, hard-working mother to have a nervous breakdown. She has already developed a nervous twitch in her eye. I realize you are the product of two non-morning people, but surely you can try a little harder to brush your teeth and hair and present yourself at the breakfast nook all dressed and ready for school. PS: the clothes your mom picks out for you are super cool, so save yourself the aggravation and just wear them. You may not admit this until you're out of college, but I want to tell you something now and you can file it away for the future, Moms are always right!

Madelyn, you are quite the character my dear. But you are only 3, and you really shouldn't be using the word "stupid" as often as you do. Just yesterday JB Jack told me the story of how you had your Elmo towel on your head and you said to Jen, "Jen did I used to wear this towel when I was a baby?" To which she replied, "Yessss, you did. And you looked soooooo cute, I just wanted to pinch your cheeks." And then you ruined the moment by saying, "Yeah, now I just look stupid." Despite the fact that you caused a grown woman to cry with laughter and almost pee her pants- this kind of language is simply not becoming of a sweet little 3 year old girl. PS: I need you to narrow down your Xmas list by naming maybe one or two things in the toy catalogue that you actually DON'T WANT....that would be easier. Thanks honey.

Rolly, you really need to stop checking the bank account online while your wife is at the mall. Your poor wife works full-time and then comes home to nurture your needy children. Shopping is one of the only pleasures she gets out of life. It really takes the joy out of it when you are already aware of the purchases by the time she pulls in the driveway, she really wants to surprise you.

Keri, keep up the good work. JB says you're like a regular wonder-woman and could possibly be up for mother of the year in addition to teacher of the year. Although, he says you have banned him from your room as well (like Ava), I hope there's nothing naughty going on in there that you are hiding from me.

Well, Demers family, I am sorry to say that I need Jingle Bell Jack to come back and help me at the North Pole until the end of November. You see with the recession, I had to lay off a bunch of the teacher elf aids at the elf academy, and with the No Elf Left Behind (NELB) act all of my elves are supposed to be proficient by 2014 so I need JB Jack to come back and help tutor some of the elves. I will make sure he's back by December 1st. Thank you for your cooperation!

With Love,
Santa Claus

1 comment:

  1. Your poor kids! I can't imagine where they come up with the antics that they pull, what with such a passive clueless mom like yourself!! I miss you so much, thanks for the laughs, and ideas!