To Quote My Girl Whitney: "Crack is Whack"

On Thanksgiving Day, I was watching the Macy's parade and came to the sad realization that I will definitely never be a Rockette. Obviously, it would just be way too hard on the kids if I had to live in New York. Since then I have been making mental note of other careers I will never have in this lifetime. Mayor, Sea Captain, Civil Engineer, foot model, astronaut, and Mother of the Year are a few that come to mind. Tonight I realized that I can officially add CRACK-HO to the list. WHY you ask? Because it's 3:01 a.m. and while you're probably sleeping....I am just coming off the 5 hour "high" I've been on since taking 2 Mucinex-D tablets. They should really label the box a little more accurately. I was thinking something like: "Take this if your feeling a little stuffy OR if you'd like to put your mind on a never-ending elevator ride, where the doors are stuck shut, and ride up and down through various levels off consciousness for the next few hours while you jump, twist startle and flip-flop violently from side to side in your bed OR if you'd like your heart to race as if you're standing on the ice at the Fleet Boston North Center Boston Garden (what the hell do they call that place now anyway?) about to sing the National Anthem along with what's his face." Perhaps I would have opted for some saline spray had I seen the side-effects more accurately depicted on the box.

Now, back to bed where I can hopefully stay focused on the things I STILL might be in this lifetime....

Bagger at Stop & Shop?

Shoe Saleswoman?

a regular on Saturday Night Live?

published writer? photographer?

(guess I'm still a little high huh?)

Random Thoughts in First Grade

There I was...totally engaged in my big song and dance about main idea and supporting details (yes, first grade is now officially second grade)...and a hand shot up.....I thought PERFECT!somebody knows what I'm talking about.....whose going to make an important contribution to the conversation... so I called on the kid. And he said, "How do you say 'you are my arch enemy' in Chinese?" Ahhhhhh.....the joys of teaching.

Happy Halloween!

WOW... that was a close one. October was ALMOST a blogless month. But not for lack of material. I have some "Quotes of the Day" I'd like to share..... Let me know what you think. I may want to create my own daily calendar with these things and sell it for Christmas.

The scene: 9:00 last night. Maddy's been in her crib since 7:30. I go in there for the umpteenth time and there she is with her pajama top off. "MADDY!?!?? WHAT are you doing???" Her reply, "Lettin my beddy but-tin out." (belly button)

The scene: last night....9:30....Maddy' still at it. Rolly goes in her room on his way out the door for hockey, so he's fully dressed and has a baseball hat on. "Go to sleep Maddy!!" he says in firm Daddy voice.
"Where's dada going?"
"Daddy's going to sleep!"
"WIT YOUR HAT ON????!?!??!?!??!??" she says, in disbelief.

The scene: Ava's in her room dancing and singing (off key) to Jonas Brothers CD....she comes busting out of her room, "MUM, mum, mum....when I'm 8 and a half (random age!?!?) can you sign me up for opera lessons?" Sure Ava, just saw opera is being offered at the YMCA now.

The scene: my first grade classroom. The kids are sitting on the rug while I am reading a book. In come two of my girl students who are two peas in a pod (aka: always up to no good)....after what has been a looooooong time in the girl's bathroom (YES it starts this early). I say (in firm teacher voice) "GIRLS!?!?!? What on Earth were you doing in there?" The both reply without any hesitation. One says, "I had the runs." The other, "I was trying to go but it was stuck." Well, THAT'S what I get for asking them what took them so long in the bathroom!!!!

The scene: first grade classroom, we're reading a story called "Don't Ride Your Elephant to School." I'm joking with the kids about other animals, "So if you have a giraffe don't ride it to school!!! Does anyone in here have a giraffe???" One of my little boys shoots his hand in the air and waves it around madly, "OOOO -OOOOO-OOOO!!!!" So I call on him and he says, "My DAD has a FOOTBALL GRAFFE!!!"

Check back later for photos of the cutest little witch and her adorable black cat!

Do cribs get diaper rashes?

Just when I thought I'd never have time to blog again, I realized that just a few minutes of time in this house is enough material for a snippet of blog material. Maddy's new trick is to rub her crib down with desitin. Yesterday morning I was brushing my teeth and hair (at what I thought was lightning speed), but in that time this is what Maddy was doing in her room. (see pics).

So then last night, she was in her crib and we hear her on the monitor and clearly she was up to no good. Rolly jumped up, "It sounds like she has wrapping paper in there!!!! WHAT is she doing?" He goes running in there......and much to our disappoinment she was NOT wrapping our Xmas presents. In fact, little Miss Maddy had stuck her hands between the slats of the crib and was able to reach into her diaper bag which was on the floor next to the crib. So now in her crib with her she had diapers, wipes, a change of clothes and she was, for the second time yesterday, smearing diaper cream all over her crib.

Which witch?

My SIX year old daughter and I are in disagreement about which witch costume she should get for Halloween. Let's see if you can figure out who likes which one??? Click on the link below then roll your mouse over each costume for a close-up view.....let me know your thoughts and at what age should I have the pole installed in her room.

http://www.buycostumes.com/Glitter-Witch-Toddler-Child-Costume/17698/ProductDetail.aspx


http://www.buycostumes.com/Lacy-Witch-with-Glovelettes-Child-Costume/62127/ProductDetail.aspx

Short and Sweet

So the other night Maddy was having a dance party in her crib....tonight apparently it's a birthday party.

I am downstairs as we speak -listening to her though the baby monitor... and I hear....

"Happy Birthday to you, DAH -DAH -DAH" (she's doing the "cha cha cha" thing that kids do now when you sing Happy B-day....where'd she learn that!?!??!?) Second children grow-up so much faster!

"Happy Birthday to you DAH-DAH-DAH"

Happy Birthday to Mad-dy, YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!" There's some clapping.....some jumping... then, Rolly enters....and I hear...

"MADDY!!!! Stop taking your pants off!!!! Leave your jammies on. No more singing. It's night-night time."

"O-TAY Dada" she says in her sweetest-little-melt-your-heart voice.

Click...door closes.

A second later, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.... DAH-DAH-DAH" she starts up all over again.

LOVE that kid. JUST LOOK AT HER on her first day of "school" (home day care/preschool program). Then look at her... naked, in the bathroom, rinsing her diaper (which is not cloth)in the sink and giving ME the dirty look.

School's In: I'm exhausted

6:40 PM.

Bedtime.

It SEEMED like a good idea at the time but BOY did it backfire.

You see Sunday night I pulled an all-nighter. Only I wasn't out binge drinking, I was laying in bed unable to sleep because my mind was racing with the 50 million things I had to do. Needless to say, by 6:40 Monday night I was completely exhausted and the kids were spent too. So, while hubs was having a nice relaxing night at a golf tournament dinner, I decided to put us all to bed. Everything was fine until midnight when Maddy awoke, well rested from her 5 hour nap and started her own musical theater production which lasted until 5 AM. She was singing, dancing, laughing, yelling....I went in there a few times, "Maddy close your eyes and stop talking." She would use her fingers to close her eyes and hold them shut, "OK Mommy, me cozin my eyes." Many a time I nudged Rolly, "Roll, go in there, she's calling you," I lied. He would try unsuccessfully to settle her down. But the part that really gets me, is that he came back to bed and the second his head hit the pillow he started snoring. This HAS to qualify him as a narcoleptic. Who the !?!?&%# can fall asleep that fast??? It's so annoying to someone who sleeps verrrrryyyy lightly and takes FOREVER to fall asleep. So now I have the headliner in her room carrying on for hours and hours and then the snoring chorus next to me.

And Ava, who obviously takes after her father, slept through it all until I woke her up at 7 this morning. And just look at that little face... and all those baby teeth. MY how she has changed in one short year.

School's Back In and Shucky Darn....I'm the teacher.

Ok - I took a lot of flack from my fans (all four of them) - I'm sorry for those blog-less nights you had to suffer through. What can I say, I'm a busy girl now. Back to work and back to school for my C.A.G.S. and Reading Specialist License. Plus those two little rug-rats that run around this place and need my love and attention. So let's do a quick overview of the past few weeks.

"Back-to-School Nightmares" started in August (don't worry, all teachers have them). I've had a reoccurring one for several years now, I'm always wandering around the school up and down hallways and staircases and I can never find my classroom. Meanwhile the day is passing by and my children are unsupervised in the class - wherever it is. This year I had a refreshing new nightmare. I had set up my entire classroom and then my Principal made me move my classroom last minute to the front hallway area where everyone who walked in had to walk through it. Then there was the morning I was deeply asleep and in my dream I was flying over Sweden (must have been the Hanna Andersson catalogue I was perusing before bed), the view was spectacular, there were thousands of people in hot air balloons. Only problem was that I was flying in one of those baby pool floats -- you know the ones with the leg holes, yeah my feet were hanging out the bottom and I was riding with a stranger. I was startled awake by my alarm clock at 4:58 AM and I had to think for a good five minutes, "WHERE the *^%@& am I going at this hour?" Oh yeah, boot camp at the gym. I was still half-asleep when I got there....I actually signed in as "Keri Danvers" -- which the front desk pointed out when I left. But enough about me, do you see those adorable little faces? Ava lost her front tooth and she suddenly looks much older to me, and so cute too! Maddy's new trick is to lie in the top drawer of her dresser...as seen in her picture. She rolls into it while I'm trying to change her. Her latest sayings are, "I no want to" and "I no like it." She gets herself dressed every day -- just not in her own clothes. She opens Ava's drawers and puts all her clean folded clothes in the dirty clothes hamper. Tomorrow is her first day at day care. It's a neighbor with a great little home daycare/preschool program. I took Maddy to visit last week. She opened the woman's kitchen cabinets, tried to scale the bathroom vanity onto the counter-top, and climbed the ladder on her son's bunk bed, and this was all in the first ten minutes. The poor woman was in shell shock, "Oh my," she kept saying, "I'm really going to have to watch this one!" "Oh no Maddy, we don't open the cabinets!" "Oh no Maddy, we don't climb on the bathroom sink." Something tells me there may be a new girl in town with all the blog material. Stay posted...

Toys R' Us and the T-Rex

Yesterday morning I took the girls to the library. Great idea Mom! Ava picked out some "just right" books to read and finish her summer reading log for first grade, there were arts and crafts at the table for the kids to do, and I bumped into a friend and the kids played for a little while. It was a lovely morning.Then I had a bad idea. Possibly the worst idea I've had all summer. I left the library and took the kids to Toys R' Us, foolishly thinking I could pick up a couple things I needed and let Maddy find something to buy with a gift card from her birthday. We weren't there THREE minutes and all hell broke lose. Maddy wanted OUT of the shopping cart, she was having NO part of sitting in there... the front or the back. So she ran around up and down the aisles finding random things and throwing them into the shopping "taco" (her word for carriage).

Ava was always one aisle over yelling, "MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM, MOM, MOOOOOOOOOOOM, come see this. Come see THIS, HEY MOM...come see THIS!!!!" In the bike section, Maddy grabbed a helmet and put it on backwards while Ava rode a bike all around the aisles. Then Maddy (with her backwards helmet) plopped herself down, whipped off her shoes and tried to put on some Barbie roller skates...only problem was that they were still in the box - which she was trying to tear into. I had to wrestle her to the ground to get the helmet off, her shoes back on and the piece of ripped Barbie cardboard box out of her hand. What is it with toddlers....they have a grip like a vice when they want something! I was seriously sweating, trying to round the two of them up and get out of there. I also ran around trying to put everything back where it belonged. In any event the two of them will never see the inside of that store again if I can help it.

Later that day -- I'm on the phone with my friend - finalizing plans to go out for dinner (and MUCH needed martgueritas) when I hear both children screaming crying and my husband screaming on the top of his lungs (which is RARE). Ava wouldn't leave Maddy alone....and JUST like we keep warning Ava..."ONE of these days, Maddy is going to lash-out at you!" The day finally came. Maddy bit Ava...hard. I was in the middle of lecturing Ava of how I told her this day would come when I looked at her hand and stopped dead in my tracks....HOLY CRAP, it looked like the tooth marks from a T-Rex rather than a two-year old. I mean, look at this kid's picture. This is a happy time....a b-day party.... and look at her face...would you mess with her? The kid had pickles and pancakes for breakfast this morning. She's one tough cookie.

PS: in the last blog...I talked about how Maddy is always naked, wears Ava's underwear, writes on the floor with sidewalk chalk. So the next day she did all those same things again and I finally caught her on film. Please note....she has Ava's underwear on....but backwards, two different colored shoes on the wrong feet and other than that, she's naked and up to no good.

Holy crap School's almost back in: A Day with Maddy

My friends were recently telling me that I should have the video camera running of Maddy 24/7. She's always doing something that could possibly make me the next 10,000 winner on America's Funniest Home Videos. I didn't video her today, but let me give you a little play by play of Maddy's day.

• She stripped off her clothes at least 4 times.
• She walked around with Ava's flip-flops on the wrong feet and tripped about 100 times.
• She tried to bite Ava and when I scolded her she slapped me. "I WAP Mumma" she said as she struck my butt with both her hands.
• When she WAS wearing clothes, her outfit of choice was Ava's underwear (which she wore over her diaper) and Ava's camisole "bra".
• She dragged her little chair into the bathroom 3 different times and stood at the sink washing her hands, all the toothbrushes, and rubbing soap ("wope") all over her belly, arms, legs and hair.
• Without her seeing me do it -- I put some sauce in a pan on the stove to heat up for dinner and moments later she scrunched her nose, sniffed the air and said, "Me see the meatballs."
• On our walk around the block, she stopped about 48 times because apparently her doll wanted to get in and out of her carriage (BTW Maddy calls a carriage a "taco") She would say, "Baby cry." "Baby want out taco." Then four steps later, "Baby sit in taco." And when the baby wouldn't sit up straight in the taco -- she flipped it over on the sidewalk and kept walking.
• While she napped, I vacuumed and mopped the kitchen and dining room floors. When she woke up she took her diaper off and peed on the kitchen floor and then wrote on the dining room floor with sidewalk chalk. (why do I bother cleaning?)
• When I came home from food shopping (went without her, thank goodness) she walked around with two avocados for about 20 minutes, in and out of all the rooms. I think she was giving them a tour of the house.

And where was I during all of this? Standing by....watching....laughing....wishing I was videoing.